After a week of gaining two of the three pounds I lost the week before, I kicked myself in the ass and found myself at the gym tonight. I didn't want to and managed to think of a handful of excuses why I shouldn't go.
I'm hungry. I'm tired. I have a headache. There's wine chilling at home. I mean really, Courtney? Just get over it.
And I did. And I worked it out. And I enjoyed it.
I had fun and found the realization that I'm looking forward to going back tomorrow and doing it all over again.
Most days, I don't have it all figured out, nor do I often have it all together, but today was a check in the win column. I was on top of my game. I felt the motivation I've been missing. And most importantly?
I felt proud of myself for the first time in a long time.
Monday, June 6, 2011
Keep on keepin' on
I've been doing pretty well so far.
A few highlights from this past week:
- I've lost 7 pounds
- My hubby told me I looked skinny. Now I'm not sure if he was just trying to "get some" or if he meant it; either way, it felt good.
- I think my face looks thinner, but it could just be in my head.
A few lowlights:
- I did cheat at dinner on Saturday night and went out to eat with my sister. The Summer Shandy and the shrimp pasta were totally worth it though. Oh, and the Double Stuf Oreo Sonic Blast wasn't too bad either.
- Had a steak, corn, and ceaser salad for dinner on Sunday at my parent's house.
So, clearly the weekends are not being very diet-friendly for me. I'm not stuffing my face all day, just usually one meal. ;) Again, not beating myself up. If I know I might splurge for dinner, I won't eat much for the rest of the day.
I'm also loving all the good fruit! Right now, in my fridge, I have watermelon, grapes, and strawberries. Also, a pineapple on my counter just waiting for me to cut it up. Yum.
I have a ways to go, but 7 pounds is a total win in my book. Not bad for 2 weeks! We'll see what number I see on the scale on Thursday. I'm treating myself to a pedicure when I hit 10 pounds lost.
A few highlights from this past week:
- I've lost 7 pounds
- My hubby told me I looked skinny. Now I'm not sure if he was just trying to "get some" or if he meant it; either way, it felt good.
- I think my face looks thinner, but it could just be in my head.
A few lowlights:
- I did cheat at dinner on Saturday night and went out to eat with my sister. The Summer Shandy and the shrimp pasta were totally worth it though. Oh, and the Double Stuf Oreo Sonic Blast wasn't too bad either.
- Had a steak, corn, and ceaser salad for dinner on Sunday at my parent's house.
So, clearly the weekends are not being very diet-friendly for me. I'm not stuffing my face all day, just usually one meal. ;) Again, not beating myself up. If I know I might splurge for dinner, I won't eat much for the rest of the day.
I'm also loving all the good fruit! Right now, in my fridge, I have watermelon, grapes, and strawberries. Also, a pineapple on my counter just waiting for me to cut it up. Yum.
I have a ways to go, but 7 pounds is a total win in my book. Not bad for 2 weeks! We'll see what number I see on the scale on Thursday. I'm treating myself to a pedicure when I hit 10 pounds lost.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
feeling deflated
so here i was the big instigator in all of this, and here i am a week later, having watched every single tiny morsel that went into my mouth and i haven't lost a pound. i spent most of yesterday mopey about it. i don't know why that was my reaction, but i guess i needed the loss, even just a lb to make me feel like i was achieving something. instead i felt like a giant failure. and yet, i hadn't done anything to cause said failure! i knew i had watched and calorie counted to the number every single day. i'd even dropped my caloric intake to 1100 calories daily since i'm not yet exercising!
.....and then while i was moping on twitter, something somewhat miraculous happened, it suddenly clicked. the medication i just started taking 2 weeks ago may have a side affect, weight gain. in which case, maintaining my weight the first week was actually an accomplishment since without watching i may have gained 5lbs the first 2 weeks on these meds.
while it's still frustrating to count every single calorie, to watch what i put in my mouth and not see any weight loss, i know i need these meds to function right now. its because of these meds that i was able to climb out from underneath the cloud that's been over me, and even attempt the weight loss and marathon training.
more than anything i wanted to run out and get fast food, just because i could last night. knowing that it may be awhile before i do lose any weight since my body is just adjusting to a new anti-anxiety/depression medication. but i didn't do it. i didn't run out, i ate my sensible 300 calorie dinner as planned.
this is a whole new world for me, in the past once i put my mind to the weight loss, i had success. i'm hoping its just a first few week stumbling block and soon i'll start to see the rewards of my work or lack of food enjoyment. but in the meantime, i feel a little less of a failure knowing that its not totally my fault.
.....and then while i was moping on twitter, something somewhat miraculous happened, it suddenly clicked. the medication i just started taking 2 weeks ago may have a side affect, weight gain. in which case, maintaining my weight the first week was actually an accomplishment since without watching i may have gained 5lbs the first 2 weeks on these meds.
while it's still frustrating to count every single calorie, to watch what i put in my mouth and not see any weight loss, i know i need these meds to function right now. its because of these meds that i was able to climb out from underneath the cloud that's been over me, and even attempt the weight loss and marathon training.
more than anything i wanted to run out and get fast food, just because i could last night. knowing that it may be awhile before i do lose any weight since my body is just adjusting to a new anti-anxiety/depression medication. but i didn't do it. i didn't run out, i ate my sensible 300 calorie dinner as planned.
this is a whole new world for me, in the past once i put my mind to the weight loss, i had success. i'm hoping its just a first few week stumbling block and soon i'll start to see the rewards of my work or lack of food enjoyment. but in the meantime, i feel a little less of a failure knowing that its not totally my fault.
Weekend + Vacation = FAIL
My little family went away for the long Memorial Day weekend. I kind of decided before we left that I was going to enjoy myself and take a little break on the diet. I realize it wasn't the wisest choice, but what's done is done. I think we pretty much ate every meal out. There were stuffed cheeseburgers, buffets, and pasta consumed. But you know what's different about this time? I actually started back on the diet yesterday instead of deciding to quit altogether. I'm proud of myself for that. I made my family lasagna last night, and instead of eating it with them, I made myself a Boca burger and went for a walk with my good friend, Angie.
I don't want to speak too soon, but I think this might be "it" for me. I think the lightbulb has finally gone off.
I'm done being the fat chick.
I don't want to speak too soon, but I think this might be "it" for me. I think the lightbulb has finally gone off.
I'm done being the fat chick.
Monday, May 30, 2011
6 months, 40lbs & 13.1 miles
This week i embarked on my bigggest challenge yet! After spending the past 18-months in a funk, I'm here to tell you that I'm climbing my way out of the funk and I've set me some goals and I'm getting ready to be the BEST Traci I can be.....watch out world, here I come!
Weight has been a struggle for me most of my life. Although I hide it really well, but, i struggle to keep my muffin top covered, my thighs under wraps and my chest hoisted up to where it belongs! 5-years ago I lost 40lbs on WW. I kept most of it off all this time, but over the past 18-months, slowly,
now, for the exercise portion of my commitment and goal.......i am going to be training for my first ever 1/2 marathon! i have 6-months to train starting june 6th and will be working on getting in shape, building muscle and then of course the endurance training. i'm very excited about this. i'm going to run the Las Vegas Rock 'n Roll Half Marathon on December 4th, 2011. i am so excited to have set this goal and look forward to standing at the finish line in one of my all time favorite cities and remembering THIS moment right now and how proud of me i'm going to be then.
i know there will be stumbling blocks along the way, but i CAN do this. i can't just sit back eating anymore blaming the anxiety of my breakup, the moving, my brother's wedding or any other outside stressors anymore. i'm taking control of my life and it feels great! i look forward to not hiding my body anyore, to seeing my collar bones and hip bones again. and i look forward to not having to layer in order to feel better about how i look. i'm on the way to a better traci and i'm really excited about it. i thank you for your support, your love and you not offering to share your fatty foods & treats with me! traci xox
Weight has been a struggle for me most of my life. Although I hide it really well, but, i struggle to keep my muffin top covered, my thighs under wraps and my chest hoisted up to where it belongs! 5-years ago I lost 40lbs on WW. I kept most of it off all this time, but over the past 18-months, slowly,
now, for the exercise portion of my commitment and goal.......i am going to be training for my first ever 1/2 marathon! i have 6-months to train starting june 6th and will be working on getting in shape, building muscle and then of course the endurance training. i'm very excited about this. i'm going to run the Las Vegas Rock 'n Roll Half Marathon on December 4th, 2011. i am so excited to have set this goal and look forward to standing at the finish line in one of my all time favorite cities and remembering THIS moment right now and how proud of me i'm going to be then.
i know there will be stumbling blocks along the way, but i CAN do this. i can't just sit back eating anymore blaming the anxiety of my breakup, the moving, my brother's wedding or any other outside stressors anymore. i'm taking control of my life and it feels great! i look forward to not hiding my body anyore, to seeing my collar bones and hip bones again. and i look forward to not having to layer in order to feel better about how i look. i'm on the way to a better traci and i'm really excited about it. i thank you for your support, your love and you not offering to share your fatty foods & treats with me! traci xox
Sunday, May 29, 2011
I'm not fat, I'm short!
I wish that were the case. If I were 7 ft tall my weight would be totally acceptable. But I'm 5'3" so I'm Not a Skinny Bitch!
I don't obsess about food. I don't even really think that much about it. Until I decide to diet. Then I am obsessed with food!!! All of it, I'm worried about everything going in my mouth and how many calories it is, and do I have enough calories etc. If you have ever had a weight problem you understand that. If you have never had a weight problem and you are naturally thin and you eat whatever you want. Then suck it!
This time around (yes I have done this more than once or twice) I'm hoping with the support of these fabulous girls and my wonderful husband that it will be different. I need a life style change not a diet. I wasn't blessed with a great metabolism I have to worry about everything that goes in my mouth.
This time around I am using the app My Fitness Pal. You can also find My Fitness Pal on line and track calories there. Basically you put in your age, weight, height, and activity level. It then tells you how many calories you should eat every day in order to lose weight. You enter everything you eat, it deducts the calories from your daily allotment and when your calories are gone your done eating for the day. You can also "earn" more calories by exercising which it is really easy to keep track of on this app. My husband decided to join me on this journey, which helps a lot! He really doesn't have much weight to lose but it is nice having someone in the same house on board.
My beginning weight was 256.5. Holy shit! That is fat! But I own it. It is what it is. I just feel like crap, I want to wear clothes off a regular rack and not get out of breath putting on my shoes. My weight bugs me every day! I hate looking and feeling this.
My first week started out a little rough. First of all I started my period. I realize that is TMI but that is how I roll. Starting a diet while being on your period sucks! Secondly, my kids play sports and we have stuff going on every night so not stopping at the drive though has been a real challenge this week. Trying to be more prepared is the main goal. Thirdly I'm sick. I have this crappy cough and and I just don't want to think about anything. That being said I was down 3.5 lbs today. I was hoping to be down a little more, but hopefully next week I will have a bigger loss when I can get my body on board with my plans.
I hope this post wasn't too much of a ramble, I was interrupted a minimum of 50 times by my lovely children. As busy as I am I think I should be thinner. Here we go!
I don't obsess about food. I don't even really think that much about it. Until I decide to diet. Then I am obsessed with food!!! All of it, I'm worried about everything going in my mouth and how many calories it is, and do I have enough calories etc. If you have ever had a weight problem you understand that. If you have never had a weight problem and you are naturally thin and you eat whatever you want. Then suck it!
This time around (yes I have done this more than once or twice) I'm hoping with the support of these fabulous girls and my wonderful husband that it will be different. I need a life style change not a diet. I wasn't blessed with a great metabolism I have to worry about everything that goes in my mouth.
This time around I am using the app My Fitness Pal. You can also find My Fitness Pal on line and track calories there. Basically you put in your age, weight, height, and activity level. It then tells you how many calories you should eat every day in order to lose weight. You enter everything you eat, it deducts the calories from your daily allotment and when your calories are gone your done eating for the day. You can also "earn" more calories by exercising which it is really easy to keep track of on this app. My husband decided to join me on this journey, which helps a lot! He really doesn't have much weight to lose but it is nice having someone in the same house on board.
My beginning weight was 256.5. Holy shit! That is fat! But I own it. It is what it is. I just feel like crap, I want to wear clothes off a regular rack and not get out of breath putting on my shoes. My weight bugs me every day! I hate looking and feeling this.
My first week started out a little rough. First of all I started my period. I realize that is TMI but that is how I roll. Starting a diet while being on your period sucks! Secondly, my kids play sports and we have stuff going on every night so not stopping at the drive though has been a real challenge this week. Trying to be more prepared is the main goal. Thirdly I'm sick. I have this crappy cough and and I just don't want to think about anything. That being said I was down 3.5 lbs today. I was hoping to be down a little more, but hopefully next week I will have a bigger loss when I can get my body on board with my plans.
I hope this post wasn't too much of a ramble, I was interrupted a minimum of 50 times by my lovely children. As busy as I am I think I should be thinner. Here we go!
Saturday, May 28, 2011
it's a chocolate covered world
One week in and I think it’s going pretty well. Other than those Sour Cream and Onion Ruffles screaming at me from the pantry. And the episode of Giada at Home I just watched where she smothered brownies in Nutella and then toped them with hazelnuts and mini dark chocolate chips. You know, other than the fact that I’m starting to see everything as being covered in chocolate, I am TOTALLY rocking this diet thing!
Of course it hasn’t been all smooth sailing. There was that part one on Tuesday where I tried to get off my lazy ass and exercise. I took the dog for a very nice power walk around the neighborhood and returned home 45 minutes later to find myself locked out of the house. Did you know that those little key pads you have on the side of your house to open and close the garage door have batteries? And that the batteries can die in 45 minutes while you’re briskly walking your dog around the neighborhood? No? Ok good, glad I’m not the only one. Luckily I have an amazing friend with an amazing husband who came over with a ladder, jumped the fence and let me back in. Thanks Eileen and Steven!
Then there was that other part where I tried to do yoga. I actually took a yoga class in college so I figured it couldn’t be that bad. I had a Yoga for Beginners DVD that I bought at least a year ago so on Friday night I decided to give it a shot rather than just sitting on my ass watching Criminal Minds all night. Holy hell people, yoga is HARD! I couldn’t even make it through half the workout before I had to fast forward to cool down and relaxation. Side note: I kick ass at relaxation!
But even though I met obstacles, I’m proud of myself for at least trying. I did a 45 minute power walk, I did 30 minutes of yoga, and next week I’ll do it again. And in a month I’ll be able to walk twice as far and complete the whole yoga video. It’s all about baby steps and I have to remember to take the time to congratulate myself for what I did rather than what I couldn’t do.
Talking about weight loss is ridiculously hard. But what I’ve learned in just this one short week? It’s absolutely necessary. The support I’ve received from the other {Not} Skinny Bitches has helped me SO much. The accountability and understanding they offer has helped me stay on track and reminds me that I’m not alone. So, even though I’m ready to cut a bitch for some Jimboy’s chicken tacos and a red velvet cupcake, I call this week a success.
Oh, and I’ve lost 6 pounds. So there’s that.
Of course it hasn’t been all smooth sailing. There was that part one on Tuesday where I tried to get off my lazy ass and exercise. I took the dog for a very nice power walk around the neighborhood and returned home 45 minutes later to find myself locked out of the house. Did you know that those little key pads you have on the side of your house to open and close the garage door have batteries? And that the batteries can die in 45 minutes while you’re briskly walking your dog around the neighborhood? No? Ok good, glad I’m not the only one. Luckily I have an amazing friend with an amazing husband who came over with a ladder, jumped the fence and let me back in. Thanks Eileen and Steven!
Then there was that other part where I tried to do yoga. I actually took a yoga class in college so I figured it couldn’t be that bad. I had a Yoga for Beginners DVD that I bought at least a year ago so on Friday night I decided to give it a shot rather than just sitting on my ass watching Criminal Minds all night. Holy hell people, yoga is HARD! I couldn’t even make it through half the workout before I had to fast forward to cool down and relaxation. Side note: I kick ass at relaxation!
But even though I met obstacles, I’m proud of myself for at least trying. I did a 45 minute power walk, I did 30 minutes of yoga, and next week I’ll do it again. And in a month I’ll be able to walk twice as far and complete the whole yoga video. It’s all about baby steps and I have to remember to take the time to congratulate myself for what I did rather than what I couldn’t do.
Talking about weight loss is ridiculously hard. But what I’ve learned in just this one short week? It’s absolutely necessary. The support I’ve received from the other {Not} Skinny Bitches has helped me SO much. The accountability and understanding they offer has helped me stay on track and reminds me that I’m not alone. So, even though I’m ready to cut a bitch for some Jimboy’s chicken tacos and a red velvet cupcake, I call this week a success.
Oh, and I’ve lost 6 pounds. So there’s that.
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